Becoming a Dad . . . Again

Life was going great as a dad. I was just learning how to deal with a child slowly growing into his "Terrible 2's." I was spending a lot of time with my son at home while my wife was growing her business at a rapid pace. I was devoting all my daddy time to one little guy and we were living it up.

And then one night I decided to not use the "Pullout Method." I knew right away what had happened. I text my best friend "Aye bro, I fucked up." Sure enough, about a month later my wife told me she needed to talk to me.

We pull up to her parents house, and before we walk in she shows me the pee stick. I wasn't ready to be a dad all over again, so my initial reaction was denial. I told her "Let's just wait and see." She didn't like that answer, for obvious reasons.

How could I do this all over again? The diapers, the bottle feeding, the sleepless nights, all while also trying to continue to raise another growing little boy. For the next two days at work, I don't think I said a word. My mind was somewhere a million miles away and my body was just on autopilot. I remember a coworker talking to me right in my face and all I could hear was the thoughts in my head.

We went to the doctor, and guess what, that pee stick ain't never lie! The denial phase was over, it was time to put the newborn daddy pants on again. People would constantly ask me "Are you ready?" and I would give an honest answer.

I wasn't ready to do it all over again. I was terrified. Sure we did a good job on the first one, but parenting ain't easy. The consistent work and teaching it takes to make sure that you're always being a mindful parent is draining. But damn is it worth it.

As the pregnancy continued, I started to get a little bit more excited day by day. But to say I didn't have a mental breakdown here and there would be a lie. Remaining honest with myself and those around me is what got me through.

I knew it was all going to be another big challenge, but the thing that I forgot about was how natural it was all going to come.

All of the fears, doubt, and denial was forgotten about in a split second. The second I heard his little cry for the first time, it was a wrap.

I remembered that feeling I had with my first son, AJ. It's a unique feeling that is unlike anything else in life. It's a feeling of pure bliss, and you realize that nothing else in life matters. Santiago was a blessing from the beginning, I just couldn't fully accept it until he was here in my arms.

The best part about having a newborn baby is that they sleep like 18 hours a day. They just want to eat, sleep, and poop. The good life.

And at two weeks old, he is definitely living his best life. And his big brother is even more loving and caring than we could have imagined. It's a proud moment when Santiago is crying and AJ says "You're ok baby. I'm here, I'm here."

It's hard not to brag, but I have two beautiful boys. I can't be humble when it comes to that. Usually people will say "Oh my god your baby is so cute." And then will go home and be like "Goddamn that baby is ugly."

I sleep well at night knowing that people aren't lying when they tell me that our boys are some of the cutest kids they've ever seen.

But I can't take all of the credit. My wife is gorgeous and was so cute as a baby and little girl. I can honestly say I don't want any more kids, but I also wouldn't be opposed to a mini version of my wife.