What I Hate Most About My Kids

Having kids is a blessing. They'll change you for the better and make you grow in ways you never imagined.

The love you share with them is like no other love in this world.

They make you smile even through your worst times.

​But sometimes man, oh my god, sometimes.

Theres a million things I love about my kids. I could go on and on about everything great they've brought into my life.

But why focus on the positives when I can gripe about the things they do that annoy me.

When my oldest son was a baby, that dude would literally be able to sleep in the middle of a party. Once he was out, he was out. Nothing was going to interrupt his sleep.

But now with my youngest baby, holy shit man. He could be in his crib in the room down the hall and you could sneeze and wake him up. It's so annoying.

It's like what you see on television where you have to be quiet whenever a baby falls asleep. That's him.

The worst is when he falls asleep in your lap, because you're screwed. Don't even think about putting him down, or even readjusting for that matter.

He's asleep right now, and I'm writing this on my laptop in another room with the door closed because I don't want the sound of me typing to wake him up.

​I've had to become that parent that is tells people when they come over "Be quiet, the baby is sleeping." I hate being that guy.

My oldest son doesn't do anything more annoying than that, but he's got his own things that bother the hell out of me. Two things in particular.

The first thing is pretty common with little kids as they grow up. He's in this phase where when he wants something he says "Give me that." Like where did he even learn that?

I know damn well I been teaching this boy manners since day one. But he's pretty good at correcting himself after I say "Excuse me, what did you just say?" and give him that Dad look.

The other thing that I hate is that he can be such a crybaby sometimes. I get it, he's two years old. He's gonna cry.

But at the same time, please shut up. Like what the hell are you crying about? Keep it up and I'll give you something to cry about.

​That high pitched crying scream is the worst sound to ever come out of a tiny human being's body.

Hate is a strong word. I love everything about my kids.

I complain about my baby being a light sleeper, when I'm the one who rocked him to sleep so that I could stare at him as he dreams.

I complain about my oldest being a crybaby, when I'm the one who tripped him so I could watch him fall and get very mildly injured for my own enjoyment.

My point is that it's ok to be annoyed by your kids. They're kids, they're annoying.

Some day they'll be talking to each other about what they hate about me, and I'm ready for it.